He broke the news to me at the beginning of September, with a sentence that echo's through my brain still. " Do you think we could last if I had to move back to India for a year?" The sentence swam around my brain before I fully understood the situation. My boyfriend was going back to India, hundreds of miles away from away from my little English town. This question was his way of trying to tell me that his time in England was coming to end and he was going back for a year until his situation and status changed. My heart froze at the thought, and I wanted my tiny room to swallow me whole, I couldn't deal with this, I'm meant to be moving to uni in three weeks to be with him, how could this happen!?
Anger, sadness and pain ran through my body for days and days and still does every now and then. He's going to leave me due government legislation that sees him as just a number rather that a person with friends and family in this country,
After the pain began to subside I began to try look at the situation differently. My thoughts began to change on the matter and I was trying to come around to a fact that would never change. After all people travel for a year all the time on gap years and stuff, right? They always come back to their loved ones don't they?
:Life's not fair, not in anyway shape of form. That day in September was the day I discovered this, as I saw friends and family settling down with their friends and having children when all I could think about was mine getting on plane and not seeing him for an entire year. The walls crumbled around me that day and I'm still trying to build them back up, one brick at a time and each brick I gain a sense of positivity. A tiny piece of hope, survival and positivity was niggling in the back of brain and I was trying to figure out how to build on that.
That little dot of positivity began to get bigger and bigger until it flooded my body with questions and thoughts. Wouldn't it be nice to holiday in India, while I visit him? Is it nice how he can see his family everyday (as they live over there). and my penultimate thought was, surely if we can survive this we could survive anything life throws at us. So it's worth ago right?
So I guess the point of this post is not dwell on negative side of the situation but to try focus on the positive side. After all, I'll see him in a year it's not like forever, I'm young and emotional and I'm allowed to cry myself to asleep but I'm also allowed to pick my self off the floor and give my head a shake and on this head shaking journey, I will take you on my journey and you can see the ups and downs of being Long distance lovers.